If Only I Could Be The Only One
by kirei chime
Summary: Seiran, who had been missing for months, finally came home. His homecoming sparked a difference in his relationship with Shuurei.
1. Chapter 1

IF ONLY I COULD BE THE ONLY ONE

_(Note: I don't own Saiunkoku Monogatari and the characters. I am just a fan.)_

Chapter 1: The Reunion by Heart

Kou Shuurei had been busy the whole week doing her job as the co-governor of Sa province. She had been working very hard with Eigetsu, her fellow governor. They had been investing time, money, and effort to make the province into a center for research. And with Master Kokujun being the head of the Sa household in place, it was less of work for them. They don't have to worry about it that much anymore, for the Sa family had settled their family feud. If his marriage to Shunki would be the topic, they will definitely support it and allow the family to decide.

One day, a messenger came in, bringing a scroll. Shuurei took it and requested the messenger to leave. The letter was from her father, Shouka, and he had relayed the message that their faithful henchman Seiran, was finally home. Shuurei felt her heart aching in pain, her fingers shaking, and her tears falling. She had missed Seiran, who had been missing for months. She no longer had a bodyguard, and Assistant Governor Ro Ensei had to do the job in his place. For Ensei, it was a piece of cake to brawl with enemies. But doing tactical and intelligence matters while guiding the young governors was another matter.

Shuurei held a meeting with the other officials of the province, and stated that something back home had come up. She knew she had to give up her comfort zone at home and focus on serving the province, but this errand is simply an emergency. She stated that Seiran had returned, and Ensei thought that it would do her best if she leaves the rest of the administration to him and Eigetsu. Ensei knew that his silent friend was not only Shuurei's personal bodyguard; he was also like a family member already.

And so, Shuurei traveled for a month to be able to get back to her home. She went first to the Imperial Palace to give her courtesy to the Emperor. When she got there, the two officers, Ran Shuuei and Ri Kouyuu met her at the gates.

"It's good to see you again, Lady Shuurei," Shuuei said.

Shuurei bowed to the two gentlemen and smiled at them. "I'm pleased to see you too, Ran-shogun and Kouyuu-sama."

"What brought you here? Did anything wrong happen at Sa Province?" Kouyuu asked.

"No, nothing," she replied amiably. "I am just here to pay my respects to the Emperor and to visit my father at the archives."

The two gentlemen accompanied her to the royal office. Shi Ryuuki, emperor of the Imperial State, was so glad to see her when she arrived. He forgot about being an emperor and suddenly hugged her tight like a child hugging a teddy bear.

"Waaaaah… Shuurei!" Ryuuki exclaimed contentedly.

"Get off of me, Ryuuki!" was her disgusted reply. The other two men laughed to see them both acting just like in the days of old. They knew only Shuurei calls Ryuuki by his name.

"But I miss you, can you not see that?" Ryuuki reasoned out childishly.

"Hmph!" Shuurei scoffed.

Shuuei cleared his throat and announced that he and Kouyuu are going to get out so that the two of them will have some moments to themselves. When the two men left, Ryuuki got serious and sat down on his chair. He invited Shuurei to take a seat.

"What brought you here, all of a sudden? By no means had I called for you," Ryuuki mildly asked.

Shuurei said that her father had sent her a note, which made her come back home. She knew that as an official, she had to pay her respects to the emperor first. And so, she stated to the emperor all the achievements they had done at the province, as well as their proposals for incoming projects. Ryuuki thought about it and saw that her proposals had been very good. He would have to provide for their needs, he promised.

"What note had Shouka sent you?" was his surprised remark.

Her heart ached. She knew Ryuuki had professed his love for her, but then she couldn't betray herself to let Ryuuki know that her heart was in pain for Seiran.

"Father said that Seiran had come home," she told him.

Ryuuki sat up straight and looked at her thoughtfully.

"Yes, Shouka told me that," Ryuuki fumed a bit. "I wonder why he suddenly left his post as your guard when I had appointed it to him."

"Maybe he had some reasons for it, but please do not punish him, I beg of you, Ryuuki," Shuurei pleaded. "I must talk to him to know straight from him what went wrong."

Ryuuki relaxed his guard. Yes, he had no right to judge Seiran though he was the emperor. And so, he allowed his governor to go the archives to meet her father.

When she went to the archives, Shuurei saw her father dusting old records.

"_Tadaima_," she greeted her father.

Her coming home was not an ordinary one, so saying those greetings really meant, finally I am home.

"_Okaeri_, Shuurei," Shouka said as he hurriedly got up to embrace his daughter. Tears fell down his eyes, for he missed his daughter so much.

And so, Shouka let his daughter in and served her with his awful brew of tea. While they were at it, they had discussed political matters both in the imperial city and in Sa province. Later on, their talk had been about Seiran.

"He has a high fever recently, and it had not subsided for days," Shouka said. "I am so worried about him."

Shuurei bit her lips. She knew Seiran had always been as strong as an ox, and he rarely had a sick day. So she declared that she was going home to check on him. Shouka gave her a pack of new herbs which the imperial doctors had discovered recently and had started to prescribe.

Kouyuu and Shuuei accompanied her ladyship to the house. When they went there, the house was still dilapidated and looked all the worse. They got inside and found out that there was not a single food in the pot. Shuurei and the gentlemen went to Seiran's room and found him crouching, his back facing them. Shuurei's heart felt it would die when she saw him.

"Seiran!" she said to him as she went over and bent him.

Seiran perked up a bit. She saw that there was a bit of a blush on his face and a weak look on his eyes.

"_Ojou_…" he weakly replied.

"Seiran, we are glad that you came back," Kouyuu said, relieved. "Where had you been all this time, buddy? It is just this morning that we knew that you had been here along."

"You should get well soon so we could hang out at the red-light district and drink all we want and flirt all we want with the women there," Shuuei said.

Shuurei jabbed the shogun's ribs so bad that Shuuei had to cringe in pain. Seiran laughed as Kouyuu and Shuurei reprimanded the shogun for his skirt-chasing behavior.

"_Jaa_, if you would be so kind, please buy vegetables and meat for our hodgepodge today," Shuurei requested the two gentlemen as she handed money to them.

Ran-shogun declined, offering to pay for the resources instead. When the two men left, Shuurei encourage Seiran to get up and sit down.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Heart to Heart

"How are you, Seiran?" she asked.

"Still feeling bad, _Ojou_," Seiran said in between coughs.

Shuurei pulled up her sleeves and began attending to him. She gave him medicine and water, and rendered sponge bath on him. When he took off his upper garment, Shuurei saw that Seiran had grown muscular. His chest was broad and smooth, and his arms were strong. She couldn't hide her blush and embarrassment that Seiran could look so desirable despite their sibling-like relationship and their age gap.

"Are you all right, _Ojou_?" he asked.

Shuurei lied and said she was fine, and opened the windows to avoid her embarrassment. After that, she sat down on his bed and let Seiran lie on her lap.

"Would you tell me why you went away?" she asked.

Seiran sighed and told her everything.

"It all started during the months when Sa province was relatively peaceful. I was once hanging out at one brothel all by myself to randomly check the security of each part of the province when I encountered a group of vagabonds gambling near the brothel inn. They were meeting to themselves and planning to cure as many sick people as possible, and that they were willing to apply as the doctors in this province. Of course, I presumed that these men were just swindlers just trying to make good money out of people and trying to hide their true intensions. And so, I singled out one of those men whose face I can familiarize. And soon enough, I spied on them for months until I met them again at the brothel as they were drinking wine. I disguised myself and told them I had heard from them that they wanted to be physicians and that I want to join them. The rascals accepted me that easily without any skepticism. I went with them all around, and I saw their own brand of medical expertise. As expected, these guys manipulated the populace so that the latter can avail of their services and pay the former with a handsome amount of money. All the while, I had been behind your shadow still, and not once had I deserted you as believed by the emperor. It is because, in one occasion, I heard from them that once they get to be physicians, they will have to get rid of you and steal the provincial funds. That is simply their only objective. There's nothing political to it and they are simply fancying the money of the province."

Shuurei was disturbed at the news. No wonder Seiran had been missing for months. He had been protecting her in disguise. So, Seiran continued his story.

"And so, the rascals continued their business. They were mentioning about plotting against you a lot of times, and yours truly kept silently still. I knew every single one of them. I had learned that they were to apply as physicians and kill you at night. And on the night before the plot, I silently told Ensei about it."

"Ensei?" Shuurei asked. She had no idea Ensei had been working silently with Seiran behind their back.

"Yes. When I familiarized one of them, even before I entered the group, I already told Ensei about it. He was glad that I was still doing my job for you, and that he was very willing to help. That is why, many hours before they did the first part of their plot, I gave him a warning signal, and he sent secret troops to arrest them. I pretended to fight with the soldiers as planned, and played dead in front of everyone. Even the soldiers pretended to taunt me so as not to arouse suspicion from the rascals. All of them were arrested and placed under maximum security. The news did not leak at all, thanks to Ensei's great ingenuity. I told him that I need to go away for a while so as not to anger any family members of the rascals who might recognize me beyond disguise. I know no one knew or even familiarized me when we did our healing sessions, but I was really willing to go away from you to think things over."

"Seiran…" Shuurei said.

"After that incident, I gave it a thought that all the while I had been behind your back all the time, trying to protect you. But then you had protected me and even wanted me to go out, explore the world and as well as myself. That is one mistake I had done—I didn't ask for your permission to leave."

Shuurei stroke his forehead and kissed it.

"Don't be guilty, Seiran. Ensei had done a job well done, and so have you. I am glad you were able to explain your side. Ryuuki was about to arrest you for leaving your post. I interceded on your behalf, and he had grown kinder with his ultimatum. Well done, Seiran. I am so proud of you."

She kissed his forehead again and encouraged him to get up and sit down. Seiran stroke her hair and looked at her lovingly.

"My, my, _Ojou_, you are already very grown up," he sighed. He still remembered her as a little girl crying and being comforted by him acting as elder brother. "Someday, you will grow up, mature more, and eventually get married."

Shuurei looked at him with a sad look. Is he really planning to give her to someone else? She began to feel very ambivalent by now. The moment was broken when Shuuei announced their return. Shuurei excused herself and went out of the room and into the kitchen where she cooked dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: No more Broken Hearts

It was past nine that night, and Shuuei and Kouyuu all went home. Shouka retired to his room to sleep, but Shuurei was busy attending to Seiran.

"_Ojou_, had I offend you?" Seiran asked.

Shuurei looked at him with sad eyes as she continued to render sponge bath.

"Seiran, please don't feel guilty. It is not your fault that I am grown up now." Shuurei told him.

Seiran smiled a bit and looked down on the floor. He had remembered her saying that she loved him second to her father, and he remembered boasting to Sakujun about it. He was very proud that she loved him and that Sakujun seemed not to have a place in her heart. But he never knew if her heart had changed for all this time.

Shuurei, meanwhile, remembered the time when Sakujun, at the point of death, was asking her if he could be the third in her heart, next to Seiran. Why is everybody asking for her heart? Maybe even Ryuuki would have asked to be third too if he had learned of her ranking. But to her, she is still unsure of her feelings for Ryuuki. It was something of a half-love, plain admiration, infatuation, or simply respect for him being able to transform from that of an irresponsible heir to that of a mighty and prudent ruler. But one thing was for sure. Her _otousan_ (father) would always be first. No doubt about it. And Seiran would always be second.

The light of the candle was almost out, and Seiran mentioned it to Shuurei. She stood up and changed a new candle. Over the new one, Seiran looked at her again and asked.

"Do you still love me, Shuurei?" he asked.

"Of course, I still do," she replied without hesitation. "You had always been a brother to me. You had been everything—a friend, a shadow, a shoulder to cry on, a defender."

"Would you consider me a lover?" Seiran brashly asked.

Shuurei was taken aback. Why would he ask for such a thing? She fidgeted, looked away from him and told him she didn't know.

"I need time, Seiran. Please don't change the way things had always been."

"But you cannot force to stay away from change, _Ojou_…" Seiran tried to explain. "It hurts to know the truth, but I am dying to not be able to tell you what I feel."

"What do you mean?" she asked. But she had a hunch as to what he really meant.

"I love you, _Ojou_—_iie_, Shuurei…" he whispered as he looked deeply in her eyes.

She didn't understand what she felt or what to feel when he said it. She was trying to decipher her own feelings as to why she was hurt when he went away, and why she was happy to know that he came home.

"Seiran, I…" she tried to explain, but he locked her lips with his finger.

He slowly advanced forward and gently pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her so gently that Shuurei breathed hard in order to force air to her system. She so liked it that she kissed him back. When their lips departed, Shuurei looked at him and caressed his face. This man in front of her had been doing many things for her sake, and he had been frustrated that she seemed to do many things in his behalf. She finally came to understand why he never seemed to look out for a life outside of home. For him, his heart was already home with her. She finally understood as well what she had been feeling for him all along.

"I love you too, Seiran," she whispered.

He smiled at her and rested his head on her chest. Since he was sick, he was very willing to experience how it is to rest on her bosom and lay silently there. Both of them finally realized that their love was more than that of being siblings. It was already the love that lovers feel.

Meanwhile, outside, it had started to silently rain…

-_owari_-


End file.
